All these things piling up on me lately are just making me feel even more and more worse. It’s like… if depression was a loaded gun, my body would be riddled with the bullets already.
I don’t know. It’s hopeless; I can’t take charge and do anything. I have to float along as my life is pulled around in every direction. There’s nothing I can do - not with school, with working, with my own health, even. And then I get thrown questions as to why I can’t do anything. I don’t know anymore. I don’t. I’m tired. I’m caught in limbo between being a child and being an adult. There’s no happy medium. Just nausea.
There’s no one I’d want to even show my face to anymore, and my own problems make me embarrassed because I know how people react to people like me, people who pine for pity and love while being so emoshunal and speshul snowflake-like and 2deep4u. Cry some more and get over yourself, you know? I feel like a hypocrite half the time, and the other half, worthless. Not good for much except useless things. Horrible looking, horrible personality, two faced, lazy, stupid and annoying. Overdramatic, I think everyone called it. Yeah. Probably. Stuck in fantasy land. Why? I don’t know.
I just… really don’t want to even exist anymore, I really don’t. I don’t want to die, but I don’t want to continue like this anymore.